So - Got a call from our agency letting us know that our time is drawing near - WOW! They talked to us about what we were looking for (maybe how high our pain threshhold was) and to let us know that they are beginning to look for children that are in need of a family! SAY WHAT? ROCK OUR WORLD! This is a sudden thing - I mean we began the process in April so it is not like it happened over night - but it certainly feels somewhat like overnight - We feel ill prepared and over prepared. We feel excited and nervous - We do not know what the future will bring - WHAT A GREAT PLACE TO BE IN.......LIMBO!
I am beginning to try to change the control freak part of me and embrace limbo. Not knowing what will happen tomorrow can be edgy and exciting - not having every spare moment planned out - allows us to let life take us on a journey instead of going through the motions of routine. I like structure - and I like predictability - I like to be able to count on things - but limbo does not allow that. I like to name and create what I WANT and make demands THAT I NEED and decide WHAT I CAN HANDLE - Limbo does not allow me so much control.
Embracing limbo is hard.
Embracing limbo is really exciting too.
We need prayers - prayers for a baby who needs love - stability - nurturing - lots of kisses and hugs and big brothers and sisters who will love on this baby like it has never been loved before.
Then the voice says - you may not be able to keep this baby - this baby may not be yours - this may break your heart - this may be so hard..........LIMBO!
But guess what? If this precious baby does not end up in our family, it will be because his/her birth family has been able to say (and prove to an extent) that they want to be able to love, nurture and care for this sweet angel.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME - it is not about how great or useless I am - it is not about me being a better or worse mommy. I am not in competition with a birth mommy. Already I am praying for her - praying that God WOULD restore her - God WOULD heal her - God WOULD be REAL in her life - that the powerlessness that she feels will be refueled by a God given power that is beyond any measure. This is a God thing - This is a call. I am not to designate - but to obey and participate! I am called.......to be in...........LIMBO!
Sometimes I chuckle at how funny it is that the most controlling of people (ie:me) tend to be placed in uncontrolable circumstances..... teaching opportunities - chances to grow!
THANK YOU LORD FOR ALLOWING ME TO GROW IN LIMBO!
I can not wait to see where limbo takes this family of mine!
I am beginning to try to change the control freak part of me and embrace limbo. Not knowing what will happen tomorrow can be edgy and exciting - not having every spare moment planned out - allows us to let life take us on a journey instead of going through the motions of routine. I like structure - and I like predictability - I like to be able to count on things - but limbo does not allow that. I like to name and create what I WANT and make demands THAT I NEED and decide WHAT I CAN HANDLE - Limbo does not allow me so much control.
Embracing limbo is hard.
Embracing limbo is really exciting too.
We need prayers - prayers for a baby who needs love - stability - nurturing - lots of kisses and hugs and big brothers and sisters who will love on this baby like it has never been loved before.
Then the voice says - you may not be able to keep this baby - this baby may not be yours - this may break your heart - this may be so hard..........LIMBO!
But guess what? If this precious baby does not end up in our family, it will be because his/her birth family has been able to say (and prove to an extent) that they want to be able to love, nurture and care for this sweet angel.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME - it is not about how great or useless I am - it is not about me being a better or worse mommy. I am not in competition with a birth mommy. Already I am praying for her - praying that God WOULD restore her - God WOULD heal her - God WOULD be REAL in her life - that the powerlessness that she feels will be refueled by a God given power that is beyond any measure. This is a God thing - This is a call. I am not to designate - but to obey and participate! I am called.......to be in...........LIMBO!
Sometimes I chuckle at how funny it is that the most controlling of people (ie:me) tend to be placed in uncontrolable circumstances..... teaching opportunities - chances to grow!
THANK YOU LORD FOR ALLOWING ME TO GROW IN LIMBO!
I can not wait to see where limbo takes this family of mine!
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